To Peter

It was brittle-bright, cold
you would have grown to love the sun
to pay in the snow

my body wanted to curl up tight and protect you
keep you
save you
I let them pry me open

deep inside where you were hiding
they found you

did you know
could you feel how my heart had turned you away
or was it still soft and sweet and warm

in one moment the world split in two
and the heavens cried for you
but I didn't say
a word

a horrible sound
a powerful quaking in the sacred place
you were torn out of me
sucked down a hose like garbage
to mingle with other tiny, broken bodies

there was no funeral
no flowers or music
no beautiful words
no stone to bear your name

nothing to honor you life
taken in shame
and secrecy
and unspeakable violence

but there is weeping, my precious child
there is aching emptiness
there is unspeakable sorrow

I can only nurse you with my tears
please, let me nurse you with my tears