The abortion ruined my self-esteem. I do not stand up for my beliefs and rely heavily upon what others think I should do and or be, and especially if they are well-educated, I feel they are more knowledgeable and are able to make better decisions then myself.
-- Linda
My abortion has left me with a feeling of emptiness. I feel as though I am not as good as everyone else because of what I did. I went against everything I believed in because I lacked courage. I am angry at him, at my friends, and especially at myself. This Christmas, my baby would have been born. I can't stop thinking about it. I just keep picturing my baby.
-- Marguerite
I feel unholy, guilty and selfish. I feel I have failed the Lord and my upbringing. I still can't believe I could have done what I did. I want to feel I have been forgiven, and I will be in heaven with the Lord.
-- Gerry
The abortion that I have had has caused me to shut out all emotional contact with both men and women. I am so afraid of opening myself up to a relationship for fear of getting hurt. I feel like I have done the worst kind of evil in this world -- murder -- and to think that I did not even know then that it was murder. I knew but I didn't feel. How could I have been so unaware, uncaring, insensitive, stupid?
-- Patricia
My abortion has left me with a empty place in my heart and life. My family feels somewhat incomplete, when we are all home together, I get the sense that someone is so definitely missing. I have felt a great deal of sorrow and regret over the effect this has had on all of us. As a mother, I struggle with the reality that I destroyed my child.
-- Teresa
This abortion has affected me by making me feel so much less about myself. It has made me feel I don't deserve to live. I have hurt myself, by burning, cutting or any other type of self mutilation so I can feel alive. I have been so numb. I want to live a normal life and I want my daughter to be able to grow up without me being a constant shield over her. I feel she may be taken from me for what I have done and that I must protect her. I want a happy normal life for her and for myself.
-- Lisa
The abortion has caused me to be depressed for the past 12 years (since the abortion). It has interfered with my bonding relationship with my children, especially the oldest. However, it has continued to interfere with the rest of my relationships, including my ability to love (freely) my husband. And, of course, it has decreased my self-esteem which was low to begin with. I have an overwhelming sense of guilt because of my decision to follow through with the abortion.
-- Donna
My abortion has caused a severe lack of self-esteem and self-worth. Yet, it has caused me to be a strong supporter of pro-life issues. I've suffered alone and the result has been self-imposed isolation from society to the point of being terrified to attend public functions. My need to nurture my surviving children has resulted in a "smothering" effect. I have been unable to look people in the eye for fear they may see my secret.
-- Monica
My wife and I had an abortion before we were married. We tried to put it behind us, out of our minds. But everything changed. My wife grew distant from me physically and emotionally. It felt like we were going through the motions. There was this unspoken chasm between us that we just couldn't cross. I felt angry, alone and when she would bring it up, I felt so ashamed and threatened by her and my own pain that I just shut her down. This only made things worse.
-- John
For eighteen years I suffered over my abortion. I was angry at myself for not being strong enough to have the children. I condemned myself as I thought God had. I did not feel that I deserved to be forgiven for what I had done. I wanted to be punished, and since no one punished me severely enough, I punished my own self. I did not feel worthy of God's love or forgiveness. Last year, I found that forgiveness. I accepted God's forgiveness -- it was always there. I also forgave myself. I have not accepted these children as mine -- probably because of how they got here -- through incest.
-- Catherine
My abortion has left me empty, alone and in despair. It has taken me to a place I almost couldn't come back from. The self-hatred I see every time I look in the mirror has been my constant companion for the last ten years.
-- Lori
The lies have affected me the most: the Big Lie that it all is and all the tangled webs of lies that make it up, compromise it and cover it up. The truth is that I have been affected; one of the lies is that you just move on unaffected. My heart turned cold. I just strived to survive in an empty existence - not a true life. I pretended I wasn't hurt but I was terribly so.
-- Anne
I now realize that the abortion made me lose a part of myself that I never knew was there -- a trusting and loving person towards others and myself. It built up a wall towards those who were involved. I have seen a side of them that was more selfish than anything. My experience took a part of myself that I lost for years.
-- Susan
One thing that my abortion has done to me is to cause or encourage an eating disorder. I know my abortion has caused much self-hatred that was expressed in my eating disorder and many other problems.
-- Anonymous
It was the summer I turned 15--not even in high school yet. The guy was older and "bad news". I was scared. My mother said I couldn't have the baby. I didn't know what I wanted except that I wanted it to be over, one way or the other. Now, 25 years later and after the birth of my first child at the age of 40, the realization of what I had done back then is almost incomprehensible. All these years I never gave it much of a thought, as though it didn't even happen, and it was the "right" thing to do. Now I am filled with regret, loss and guilt. Every time I look at my beautiful son, I am reminded of the baby that never had a chance. I feel I don't deserve any relief from my guilt and pain, it is my punishment for taking a life, the life of MY OWN child. I realize I am now looking at it with the eyes of an adult and not a teen. Who knows how it would have turned out. But, that is the could have turned out just fine. I will never know.
-- Julie

Do not continue to live in the shame, fear or numbness - call our toll-free national hotlines: Rachel's Vineyard: 877 HOPE 4 ME (877-467-3463)

Rachel's Vineyard Ministries