Rachel's Vineyard FAQ

The cost of the retreats vary, depending on the place where the retreat is held. The average cost of the retreat weekends is approximately $150-$200 for the entire weekend. This price includes your room, all your meals, and all retreat materials. Most of the Rachel's Vineyard sites have financial assistance or they can work out a monthly payment plan so that money is not an obstacle for your participation. Some sites are able to offer those in financial need a complete scholarship to attend the retreat weekend.

To get specific pricing and other details, please call or email the "Contact" of the retreat you’re interested in attending (U.S. retreats, dates, locations, and contact information can be found here).

Most of our retreats begin on Friday evening and end Sunday late afternoon or early evening. Retreat participants spend the entire weekend at the retreat center. All meals are provided, and most places offer private room (some have shared rooms). You can ask specific questions when you speak to the contact person of the retreat you're interested in attending.

Rachel's Vineyard retreat teams consist of loving and non-judgmental people, many of whom have experienced an abortion and found healing and peace. They are competent and caring individuals who respect where you are in the grief process and help you experience a deeper level of healing.

Our teams have been thoroughly trained and volunteer their time freely, because they understand how important it is to be freed from the shame, anger, and regret that are commonly felt after an abortion. Our teams have a professional counselor and a minister, priest, or deacon.

We do not proselytize or try to convert anyone to Christianity. Our retreats are based on the scriptures and invite participants to dialogue with our creator in meditation at certain points throughout the weekend.

Our retreats typically have around 12-15 participants per weekend. We try to maintain small group sizes to allow each participant time for sharing. There is also a team of approximately 6 helpers, as well as retreat team members, who help facilitate the actual weekend, conduct the exercises, serve delicious meals and attend to any special needs you may have.

Traumatic events, like abortion, are often aggravated by carefully guarding the experience as a secret - and not allowing any toxic and shameful feelings to surface or have a voice. Healing for victims of trauma can happen in a safe environment, where the people in a group can reconstruct their traumatic story and restore the connection between themselves and the community. A group context is very cathartic because others who "have been there" can provide validation of symptoms and add a supportive, healing element to the process.

This does not negate the value of individual counseling! The group environment, particularly when family support can be introduced, often provides a deeper more complete level of healing. You may read about the experiences of others who have experienced a Rachel's Vineyard retreat here.

Yes! After abortion, men often struggle with a sense of powerlessness, of feeling they failed to protect both mother and child - and perhaps abandoning the mother or threatening to leave her if she did not abort. Others have been prevented from stopping an abortion they did not want. This can lead to a deep anger and resentment that needs to finds a voice and be healed. Other men never acknowledged the humanity of their unborn, told the mother "it’s your decision” (a form of abandonment), and then later struggled with deep grief, regret and loss as they came to terms more honestly with their role in the abortion. They, too, need to find healing. We have had a number of men attend our retreats and find deep healing. Click here to see how men are impacted by abortion.

We have seen many married couples attend the weekend together - some of the spouses participated in the abortion, others were not involved but came to support their spouse. The results have been exceptionally positive, with the couples reporting an increase in communication and intimacy after their retreat. Some women have come to the retreat with one or both of their parents, specifically if the parent forced her to have an abortion, or if the decision was made based on fear or disapproval.

The damage to family relationships can be opened for healing in a Rachel's Vineyard retreat. The weekend is a unique opportunity to address this pain and reconcile the experience. We gently encourage people to consider this option but always respect their unique circumstances if they decide that is not best. There will always be future opportunities to take this step if they desire additional healing and reconciliation.

During the Rachel's Vineyard weekend, we encounter healing through seeking re-connection, integration, and wholeness. Such healing can only happen when the isolation and secrecy are dismantled and a person's story is revealed to others who will not judge or condemn. Only then is it finally possible, with the support of a small community of others who compassionately affirm the loss and respect the grief, to grieve one's losses to their fullness.

The importance of social support to the grief process reflects an important aspect of our human nature: though we are individuals, we are inescapably social beings. A lack of social support can degrade or destroy our well-being. Conversely, experiencing social support, even in a single relationship, can strengthen our well-being.

For most of us, it is only when we have the support of others who will not judge or condemn us that we feel safe from rejection. This support makes it easier for us to confront and explore the deepest part of our souls. With it, we learn how to accept forgiveness from God and from our  aborted child. With it, we learn how to extend forgiveness to ourselves and to others. And we discover how the most difficult, soul-breaking experiences imaginable can be used as the foundation for building a richer, deeper, and more meaningful existence.

Safety and confidentiality are essential when someone begins to explore healing after an abortion. However, if the healing process encourages only private counsel and does not involve spouses or family in the process, it may actually reinforce the isolation that the woman experienced when she initially went away in secret to "deal with the problem."

So counseling, itself, can be surrounded with the same anxiety as going away in secret to have an abortion, because the person is still going away alone to deal with the aftermath. Consequently, the secret is still intact - and so is the shame and guilt surrounding it.

As long as someone has the lingering doubt that "if my parents, my spouse, my sister, (etc.) knew about my abortion, they would reject me, judge me, condemn me, or hurt me," that person is not free to trust or experience the blessed intimacy of being known, unconditionally accepted, and loved. We can only feel loved to the extent that others know us and accept us. Perhaps someone close to you might need to learn more about abortion trauma and some of the ways that this experience can impact a woman. Forbidden Grief is a good resource for education on this subject.

As your are working to reconnect to past memories and feelings, you can also reach out to the terminated or damaged relationships in your family. The memorial service is a beautiful vehicle to help facilitate this reconciliation. If you choose to share this event with a family member, spouse, or someone who cares deeply about you, your guest will be affirmed for their support. Our staff is present to model and instruct how they can best be supportive. The experience of grief is bonding. Sharing grief naturally leads to intimacy, as you will surely experience on a Rachel's Vineyard weekend.

This releases the negative effects of the secret trauma, the shame, guilt and isolation. Trust is restored when one opens this wound in a safe environment and receives the loving compassion of fellow weekend participants. Of course, its up to you to decide what you would like to do regarding inviting a family member or support person. Any choice you make regarding this will be respected. Here is a comment from a mother who was invited by her daughter:

I witnessed miracles last weekend. Our daughter invited us for the memorial service on her Rachel's Vineyard weekend. It was a a profound experience: women and men given the opportunity to grieve openly, to name that grief and those children, and to share the joy that comes with the realization that your are not alone in your grief. I feel so much closer to my daughter now - and feel honored that she trusted us enough to be present to her in this pain. Weekends, such as the one are were privileged to witness, give us back the essential part of healing. Thank you all. At this time it was also a miracle to see the church function as it should as a loving sheltering structure enhancing relationships with God, rather that and institution often hindering them. Peace.

The Rachel's Vineyard weekend is very respectful of the unique needs and situations of all participants. For most people it is only after they are well into the weekend that they feel the desire to invite a loved one to the memorial service. The comfort of a close family member can be an important event in the healing of isolation and feelings of abandonment which frequently accompany an abortion experience. Sharing grief, and the healing and hope that follows, can bond us in a deeper way with those we love.

The weekend will be especially helpful to couples who have not been able to grieve together. The inability for husbands and wives to acknowledge this loss and creates distance bitterness and resentment. When men join in the healing journey with their wives it opens the door to a dramatic increase in physical and emotional intimacy.

Yes. When you sign up for a retreat, your name will not be given to any other individual or group for any circumstance. If you choose to be listed on a contact list for the other members of your weekend group, that is your decision. You can inquire about this program by e-mail or telephone and you can specify how you would like to receive any information. You might also choose to attend a Rachel's Vineyard weekend that is in a different location from where you live to assure complete anonymity.

If you have any questions for us, please see our confidential e-mail page and talk to one of our Rachel's Vineyard e-mail buddies.

Yes, our retreat is welcoming and beneficial to those grieving other types of pregnancy loss, such as: miscarriage, invitro, stillbirth, adoptions, workers in the abortion industry, etc. If you have specific questions regarding attending the retreat after pregnancy loss, please contact the site leader of the retreat location closest to you. (link to retreat zip code search page)

After your weekend you will have met some wonderful people who may become very close with. Most sites offer a reunion for those who wish to participate and nearly all the Rachel's Vineyard sites offer ongoing opportunities to address other concerns you may want to explore following the weekend.

For example, if you have a history of sexual abuse, and feel that you would like to begin work on healing in that area, we could refer you to Grief to Grace, which is another retreat program created by Dr. Theresa Burke for victims of abuse; or if you struggle with alcoholism or an eating disorder, there will be referrals given at the weekend to help you continue in your healing journey. There will be other events and meetings for those who want to stay connected to Rachel's Vineyard.

We invite all our past alumni to subscribe to a monthly e-letter that you can receive for the first year after your retreat called Oaktrees. It is written for and by those who have been on the weekend and is a wonderful resource for aftercare. More information is available about Oaktrees.

Some women and men might feel called to get involved in other ways by helping on a future retreat team or other involvement with Rachel's Vineyard on a local or national level.